arguable chemistry
by kinselllas
Summary: the one in which blair plays matchmaker for dan and serena but fails miserably
1. Chapter 1

**A/N: **_Alright so I don't even know how I feel about this idea yet, but I'm just gonna see where it takes me. This story takes place at the end of season 1 after Serena finds out about Dan/Georgina- minus Serena forgiving him and wanting to get back together. But the wedding happened all the same otherwise._

_Please tell me what you think and feel free to make suggestions because I'm still playing with the entire concept. Aaaand I'm rambling, so please enjoy!_

"Don't even think about it, Humphrey."

Her voice is icy cold and he has vague deja vu of a certain Thanksgiving when he saved a reckless blonde's life and found himself being yelled at by her tiny brunette friend.

Dan looks down at Serena laughing while tears stream down her face. On the exterior she seems happy, but he knows that she is utterly miserable inside and that it's his fault and this fact kills him.

"Blair, I'm just gonna bring her home to bed."

He begins pulling her up when Blair slaps his hand away,

"Honestly, you are the last thing she needs right now. What is wrong with you?"

He opens his mouth to speak, but realizes he can't find one solid answer.

He cheated on Serena. Serena van der Woodsen, the girl of his dreams, everything that is good in the world.

He cheated on her and he has no idea why.

At first he justified it as being because he thought she had cheated on him first.

But as time went on he realized it was a misunderstanding.

He didn't understand Serena, her values, her interests, her actions.

It may have been why he fell so easily in love with her, he was at a loss for flaws because he didn't understand her well enough to find any.

The way Blair is looking at him now, it feels like almost two years ago, at that Thanksgiving.

She had looked disgusted with him, as if he were the scum of the earth.

Maybe he is.

That thought is quickly erased when Chuck Bass approaches them.

"Humphrey, you heard the lady. I think it's time for you to leave," The combination of Chuck's raspy voice with his mischievous smirk are enough to make Dan clench his fists, "We'll make sure my sister gets home safe."

_"Step-_sister" he corrects under his breath. And then, "Fine."

He glances down at Serena one more time, who is now struggling to keep her eyes open and lets out a breath he didn't realize he was holding.

As he turns to leave the party he hears Blair mutter something that stings the entire way back to Brooklyn.

"You're pathetic."

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Everywhere he goes, they stare at him.

It doesn't matter if he's in Brooklyn or UES, there's always at least three sets of eyes watching him walk down the sidewalk.

Slowly, he learns to ignore it.

He closes his eyes, takes deep breaths, and keeps walking.

It's not until he's looking through the sales rack at Bendels with Jenny that he sees her for the first time since that night.

Her hair is pulled back in a tight pony tail, all the make up is stripped from her face, a loose green dress hangs over her tan skin.

She looks very real in that moment- unlike the Upper East Side princess he used to fantasize about.

He quickly turns around and hopes she doesn't see him, but.. good god how immature can he be?

"Serena." His voice is low and she almost doesn't notice except she does and his heart immediately starts pounding against his ribcage.

Her eyes are soft, hurt.

"Dan."

He's thankful that Jenny is in the dressing room at that moment and not out here trying to salvage his relationship for him.

"Listen, I think we should talk sometime. About everything."

God he hates how much his voice is shaking when talks.

"Um," at least hers is shaking too. "Yeah. I would like that."

He takes a few steps closer to her- dating a van der Woodsen makes one very bold.

"Are you doing okay?"

"I guess I'm just sort of-"

Her soft voice is quickly cut off by,

"Humphrey, what the hell? Are you following us now?"

He watches as Serena closes her eyes with a small smile, because they've been in this position so many times before.

"I'm with my sister."

"Ew, you're both following us?"

Dan takes Blair in for a moment. Her hair in loose waves, skin lightly tanned from the sun, only a touch of pink lip gloss on her lips.

Apparently even Blair Waldorf requires less maintenance during the summer.

"I'm gonna try this on." Serena awkwardly flashes the dress and makes a dash for the dressing room.

Dan doesn't think he's ever seen her act so unsure of herself.

"We need to fix this."

Blair's voice is stern and don't even get him started on her eyes.

"Fix what?"

He lightly scratches his head and pretends to sort through hangers.

"Stop acting like you know anything about fashion and focus. Serena's a mess."

"I'll have you know that I got this shirt from Nordstrom in Hudson, _not on sale, _so I don't appreciate…wait, why am I having this conversation with you?"

Blair rolls her eyes and he notices immediately that her foot has begun tapping impatiently against the tile floor.

"It saddens me that you feel the need to _brag_ about a shirt from Nordstrom. Although, doesn't surprise me…" her voice trails off slightly before continuing, "This thing, you and Serena being apart, it's not working for me."

Dan snorts out a laugh and waits for the insult, but nothing comes.

She just stares at him expectantly.

"Oh, you're serious," He watches her chin raise in what appears to be a nod, "I thought I was 'pathetic.'"

"What?"

She tilts her head ever so slightly and Dan notices the light dusting of shimmer over her shoulders.

"You said that. The night of Penelope's party, as I was leaving."

Blair's eye brows furrow as if to remember the night clearly before she says,

"You thought I was talking to you? Don't get me wrong, Humphrey, you're nothing special. But I wasn't talking to you."

In that moment Dan feels an immense amount of relief, although he probably is pretty pathetic. Following is overwhelming confusion.

"Serena," she says lightly, interrupting his thoughts, "I was talking to Serena."

Dan can't even control the judgmental gaze that he lets fall on Blair.

He had cheated on her best friend, but he wasn't the pathetic one?

Maybe Serena was having trouble coping but 'pathetic' seemed like a harsh term to describe her.

"Stop looking at me like that," Blair snaps, "She needed a dose of reality. She was acting like an idiot and trying to go home with any guy who offered and I'd had enough of it."

Thinking about it, he assumes this is what Blair has done most of her life.

She's the dark dose of reality that wakes Serena up from her drug _(or in this case depression) _induced hazes.

"So you don't think I'm pathetic."

_Just to clarify._

"No."

She takes a sip from her iced coffee.

"I cheated on Serena."

Blair glances up at him and a small smirk forms at the corner of her mouth,

"You thought she cheated on you first. It's not excusable… but perhaps understandable. You're like the plot of every romantic dramedy."

Dan rolls his eyes and leans against the rack of clothes, blinking at her a few times.

"And what do you want from me exactly?"

"I want to help you."

He's too shocked to say anything, simply waits for her to continue.

"It's become clear to me that Serena is miserable without you, and she's become the Serena that I used to hate- only more depressing. While you're not my first choice for her… You're her first choice for her."

"So why do I need help from you?" He can't help the edge in his voice, "If it's so clear that Serena wants to be with me, why do I need you?"

The sad thing is, which he would never tell Blair, is that he feels no emotion when he hears that he's Serena's first choice.

He's not overwhelmed with joy and relief as he thought he would be.

He's just apathetic about the entire thing.

"Because look at you, Humphrey." Her eyes travel up and down his body before continuing, "And try having a conversation with you once in awhile. It's infuriating."

"You never talk to me."

"And now you know why."

She spits back as she flips through the hangers in front of her.

"I'm going to have to teach you how to dress, how to act, how to seduce, etc etc."

"_How to seduce? _Blair, no. I draw the line there."

The devilish smirk on her face sends a wave of heat through him and he clears his throat awkwardly before almost tripping over a clothes rack.

"See? This is what I'm talking about. You're such a virginal non-virgin."

"Fiiiiine," he groans with irritation, "just don't get handsy."

Blair snorts a laugh and narrows her eyes at him,

"Why?" her voice drips as she brings a hand up to his chest and drags it down slowly, "You don't like handsy?"

"And I'm gonna stop you right there," He snatches her hand and returns it to her side. "If you think you can help me connect with Serena I'll gladly take the advice, but none of these games or manipulations."

Blair rolls her eyes in a huff and flicks her hand at him carelessly.

"Fine. Be here, Friday at noon. I'm finished with this conversation." As she makes her way to the dressing rooms Dan can't help but laugh,

"Nice talking to you as always, Waldorf."


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N: **_Thanks so much for the positive response to this story! I definitely have some ideas brewing, but I thought this chapter would set the tone for the "friendship" that's being put in place. This chapter is also very Dan/Blair heavy, but as it continues other characters will play larger roles in the story._

"All I'm saying is that Lina Wertmuller's _Swept Away _is a realistic portrayal of the struggles between Sicilians and Northern Italians… regardless of how misogynistic that portrayal may be."

Blair glances up at him and rolls her eyes, taking a sip of coffee.

"And all _I'm saying _is that if you had paid any attention to the end of the movie, it's clear that the woman had full control the entire time."

When Dan had arrived on 5th Ave at noon, he had imagined the worst possible outcome for the afternoon. He figured they wouldn't make it to one store without her forcing him into a haircut and chest wax.

And yet, here they were, walking down the sidewalk debating one of his favorite films. He once made a bet with his dad that he couldn't find one person in the UES who even knew where Sicily was.

"Humphrey!" she shrieked, glancing at her phone. "It's been almost an hour and neither of us have found something to wear to Cece's party."

In all honesty, Dan had forgotten all about the shopping they were supposed to be doing. After stopping for iced coffees, they found themselves wrapped up in a heated discussion about Monet vs. Van Gogh. From there, he couldn't stop.

Dan found himself relishing in the opportunity to debate topics that he found interesting with as much enthusiasm on the other side.

"I thought this shopping trip was for me," he starts, "I did not agree to watching you try on a dress in every shade of pink."

"First of all," she grabs his arm to stop him," It's not a pink party. It's a pastel party. I'll be trying on dresses in more than one color, but I have a shade of periwinkle in mind for myself."

"Second of all?"

"Second of allllllll," she narrows her eyes at his attempt to rush her, "this trip is for you. But I have to get something out of it too- hence, new dress."

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

"You know, you can go try on whatever you want. I should be fine here," he calls from the dressing room as he looks at the selection in front of him.

"Nope, sorry Humphrey. You can't be trusted alone."

He tries on shirt after shirt, and each one only makes Blair more nauseas. He's not Chuck Bass. He can't wear pastels as if they're an Armani suit.

"Listen," she starts, quickly unbuttoning the pale pink dress shirt and shoving a light grey suit into his hands. "The only person that should be caught dead in pastels is the Easter bunny so just try this on and we'll find a periwinkle tie to go with it."

Dan shrugs at the suit and closes the door to his dressing room, before a thought makes him swing it back open,

"I thought periwinkle was your color."

Truth be told, she hadn't even thought about the fact that periwinkle was her ideal color. Blair took in his dark hair and brown eyes and it just made sense.

"It's the only color that will contrast the grey of the suit. I'll manage." she beamed at him and began rapidly texting on her phone.

"Why are you being nice to me all of a sudden?"

The look on his face was so genuine it almost made her sick. Sometimes she had to stop herself from mistaking him for a puppy, because his eyes were just so endearing all the time and it was annoying.

"Chuck left for Europe last week.. without me. Serena has been either depressed or hammered for the past month, and Nate is just.. Nate."

If she was being honest with herself, it was nice having a guy friend that wasn't constantly trying to get in her pants.

Not that she and Humphrey were friends.

_Not at all. _

"How's this?" He pulls the door to the dressing room open with an earnest smile on his face.

"You're not the worst looking human being in the world."

Dan watches as her eyes survey him up and down, nodding in approval.

There's something in her eyes that gives him a slight boost of 's weird to think about, but a small part of him has always wanted that look from Blair Waldorf.

Her approval was something he didn't know he needed.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

It's relaxing being able to just sit on a couch and wait for Blair to try on dresses.

Serena had already texted him three times today asking about Cece's party.

She tries on dress after dress and Dan gets dizzy from the swirls of pastel shades.

He throws out insults such as "you look like a crayon, easter egg, a piece of Grandma Humphrey's wallpaper, etc."

At some point, he can't remember how long it takes, but he falls asleep listening to a voicemail from his dad.

"Humphrey!" When he opens his eyes, he freezes in place.

Blair stands in front of him with her hands on her hips wearing what he would call lilac- _his mom used to grow them in Hudson._

The bodice is ivory sequins with the colored skirt flaring out over her thighs.

"That all looks…" he points aimlessly without a clear train of thought, "That looks nice."

The dress is short, _so short_, and yet Blair still manages to make it look sophisticated.

"It's called a baby doll dress and I hate it."

"Blair, what? That's the best dress you've tried on."

He watches as she adjusts and readjusts, pulls her hair up then lets it back down, looks at it from the side then faces herself head on. He had heard about Blair's many insecurities before, he'd even consoled her through one of them.

But as she stood in front of him now, he realized just how bad her body image issues were.

"Get this one," he stands in the door way behind her, "or I will sing _Hotel California_ for the rest of the afternoon."

Blair scrunches up her nose and he can tell she's trying to stifle a smile. Instead she just says, "Gross," and shuts the door in his face.

In the end, she buys his suit, the lilac dress, and a periwinkle tie.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Blair forces him to get ready at her house so that Dorota can do his hair and they can go over conversation topics.

As Dorota combs and picks through snarls, Blair rambles on about avoiding topics that include, but are not limited to, F. Scott Fitzgerald, Noam Chompsky, the Clinton administration, Brooklyn, Radiohead, Bob Dylan, Lincoln Hawk, anything by Charles Dickens-

"Blair," he interrupts her, "you're literally listing all of my interests."

"Yes," she nods and continues rambling.

Although she is incessantly insulting him, he can't help but laugh at how animated she is about it. He also hates himself for being flattered that she can list so many of his interests.

Over the past year, he and Blair had seemed to grow an understanding.

They don't like each other, by any means.

But perhaps, they've learned to tolerate each other.

"What am I _allowed _to talk about?"

She ponders for a few moments before scribbling the word 'puppies' on his list of approved topics.

"She really likes talking about Nate…but would that be too weird for you two to discuss? I'll put it down anyway."

When Dorota finishes his hair, Dan pulls on his suit and fastens the tie- _which of course Blair straightens four times in a fifteen minute period._

He zips her dress as any good man should and they give each other a once over.

"Humphrey, you look acceptable."

"From you, I will take that as a compliment," She scowls as he runs a hand through his perfectly styled hair. "You look nice, but the headband looks stupid."

Blair's hand flies up to her head as she touches the thick ivory headband adorning her long curls.

"Just because I have chosen to take pity on you does not mean you have free reign of verbal jabs at my wardrobe."

"Blair," he places his hands on her shoulders in an effort to calm her down, but quickly removes them when he sees the look on her face. "All I'm saying is that it's taking away from the dress. You'd look better without it."

Her eyes soften slightly but she ignores the suggestion.

"I take back my compliment, you look stupid."

It's not until they're in the car, parked outside of Cece's house, that Blair disregards the headband on the floor of the backseat.

****and of course the party will be in chapter 3!**

**Just another incentive to keep reading :)**


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N: **_I don't know how I feel about this chapter at all. It's definitely not exactly what I wanted it to be, but I also didn't want to keep putting off writing it. Feel free to be honest with criticisms or suggestions, I'm very open to it!_

_Also, the sexual tension will become more eminent soon- along with more of Blair's POV to come!_

Dan floats through the party, _literally floats._

He has way too many glasses of champagne to prepare for his awkward encounters with Serena and now he feels light as a feather walking through the back yard.

He briefly remembers talking to Jenny about her shoes leaving blisters on her heels and he wondered for a good fifteen minutes how one walks on blisters especially in a public venue.

"Humphrey! I told you two drink limit." Blair's voice is as sobering as it annoying.

"Chill," He throws an arm around her shoulder, "wait…Chill? When did I become Nate Archibald?"

Blair looks less than amused and a small part of him is sort of embarrassed for getting so drunk at Serena's grandmother's house. He runs a hand through his hair a few times and takes a deep breath.

"I should go find Serena."

"Find some water first." she retorts and leaves him standing next to the fountain by himself.

He could swear he'd looked in every room of the house before he finds her.

Serena wears a flowy pale coral dress with ornately decorated white sandals on her feet. She surprisingly looks more sober than him, which is probably why she also looks so discontented.

"Hey," he says quietly as he sits down next to her, "I've been looking for you."

"Cece let me design this room exactly how I wanted it when I was twelve."

Her eyes stay on the floor and Dan looks around at the sea blue walls with a white beaded silk comforter. Sea shells rest on every table in the room and he wonders if Serena was born in the wrong area of the world. Sometimes it seemed she was always meant to be lost at sea.

"You had immaculate taste for a twelve year old."

He hears her snort a laugh, but it's nothing like he's ever heard from her before. There is something so disengaged about it. His eyes start to burn and he rubs them quickly before any moisture can form.

"Speaking of immaculate taste," she briefly looks up at him, "what are you wearing?"

"I actually have no idea." The suit coat comes off soon after and he rolls up the sleeves of his shirt.

"Listen Dan, I-"

"I'm so sorry," he cuts her off, "I hate seeing you like this. I hate knowing that I'm the cause of you being like this. If there is anything I can do to make this better, just please-"

"I'm still in love with you," she cuts him off next, _for good measure_.

"What?" It's probably the worst thing he could say in response, but it's all he has. The champagne is starting to wear off and a pulsing headache is forming in its place.

"I'm so hurt by what you did and yet I can't stop being in love with you and I hate myself for it. It hurts that much more."

Dan pulls her against his side but she quickly shoves him away.

"No, Dan," a surprising amount of strength comes into her voice at that moment, "you can't keep up this epic hero complex."

He realizes that there's absolutely nothing he can say to make this better. Blair was right, she's still in love with him…but she doesn't want to be.

_He remembers the night he found himself in bed with Georgina, at the time, Sarah. She had mumbled romantic things in his ear, things that he had so desperately needed to hear from Serena. He had shoved three fingers in the brunette just to make her shut up. _

"I love you," he says softly and she says, "I don't care."

For a moment, he wonders if it would have benefitted him to bring up puppies or Nate's hair.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Dan sits in one of the lawn chairs outside with a full tumbler of whiskey. Every gulp burns the entire way down and he tries to resist the cringe.

"I'm guessing it didn't go well," she sits down primly on the end of his chair and crosses her legs.

"It went splendidly," his mouth rests in a flat line before he takes another sip of his drink.

"Stop drinking or I'll have to call you pathetic," Blair grabs the glass out of his hand and downs the remainder of whiskey.

There's silence for a few moments so Dan asks, "Can I talk about the Clinton administration yet?"

She presses her lips together firmly, resisting a smile and stands up.

"Find me when you're ready to talk."

With that, she's gone.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Lily shakes Dan's shoulder somewhere in the evening and he jumps awake.

"I think it's time for you to go home, Daniel. You've fallen asleep three times now."

Only Lily would correct getting unmistakably drunk and passing out to 'falling asleep.'

"Right, is Blair still here?"

_He justifies this being the first question he asks because she was his ride._

"She left an hour ago. Is there something you need?"

"I…I uh, I don't know." He stumbles over his words, then over his own feet as he rises.

Lily had already called him a cab back to Brooklyn, but he asks the driver to bring him to the corner of 5th Ave and 72nd St instead.

Somehow, whether it be luck, fate, destiny, etc., the doorman remembers who he is and lets him in the elevator without question.

When it dings on her floor it startles his drunken haze and he stands up straighter before walking through the parting doors.

"Humphrey?" so she sounds annoyed, but if he were to listen closely he could probably hear a hint of concern in her voice.

He stands in the foyer as she walks down the stairs in a cream colored silk robe and crosses her arms when she meets him face to face.

"You told me to find you when I wanted to talk," he lets out a deep breath and kicks his foot around on the tile, "I want to talk."

"Come on," her voice is soft as she guides him up to her room.

He lays on his back on the floor and she sits cross legged on her bed looking down at him. In some ways, he feels like the girl at the end of the hallway.

"She hates herself for being in love with me," even as he says the words he realizes just how awful it sounds, "she still loves me but she doesn't want to at all. Do you know how that feels?"

"To hate myself for loving someone… or have someone hate themselves for loving me?"

"Either" he says quietly.

"Yes," her voice is just above a whisper, "to both questions."

There's a candle lit on Blair's night stand and it causes her face to have such a glow that he steals glances at her whenever he thinks she's not looking.

"Nate?"

"No," she closes her eyes and he forces himself not to inquire more.

"She looked beautiful tonight," Dan says and then wishes he hadn't, because it shows there's still a part of him that loves her so much more than he cares to admit to anyone, especially Blair Waldorf.

"She always does."

"Yeah."

Blair falls asleep shortly after and he stares at the ceiling until it stops spinning and his eye lids get heavy. He thinks about how wrong it is that he's sleeping on Blair Waldorf's bedroom floor until he passes out for the fourth time that night.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

"Wake up, you're annoying me."

One of Blair's fingers continually pokes him roughly in the side.

"Jesus, I'm up. How is it that I annoy you even when I'm asleep?"

"Because I don't want you here."

If she wants to talk about annoying she should look in the mirror. It's 8 a.m. on a Saturday and she's already showered, dressed, with her hair and make up perfectly done.

"Fine, I'm leaving."

Conveniently, his clothes are all still on his body, besides the missing suit coat that he's pretty sure he left at Cece's. As he stands to leave, she grabs his arm so gently that he almost can't feel it.

"She needs time."

He knows she's right, so he just nods and says thanks.

"You're not the worst."

Dan doesn't turn around when he hears her voice, he doesn't want her to see the smile on his face.

"Neither are you." Even if she can't see it, she can probably hear it.

He gets down to the foyer when he notices she's standing on top of the stairs still watching him and then she says,

"Serena's gonna be staying here for awhile. She can't live in a house occupied by Bassholes. We'll have to do some of the counseling at your place."

"You know that means Brooklyn."

"Yes."

"My dad's on tour and Jenny's leaving for Hudson this afternoon."

"Why are you still talking?"

These days, Dan finds himself asking that question in his head more and more.

"I don't know, what if you decide to murder me and no one's there to hear it?"

Even from the bottom of the stairs, Dan can see the devilish glint in Blair's eyes when she replies,

"I've always wanted to hear a Humphrey scream."


	4. Chapter 4

**A/N: **_This chapter is very much fluff-ish, but that will not be the case from here on. I needed to get some things out of the way before developing the storyline I have planned. I love hearing feedback so feel free to review!_

Two weeks go by before Dan sees Blair or Serena.

He quickly finds that he weirdly misses both of them.

He may have spent the entire year fawning over Serena, but he also spent the majority of the year being tormented by Blair.

It's 1:47 a.m. when he sees one of them again.

When he hears the knock at his door, he can't decide which one he wants it to be more. He's already finished a six pack while doing some writing- his social life has kind of gone down the toilet since his break up.

Dan swings the door open and tries to hide the smile tugging at the corner of his mouth.

"You look awful."

"You look like you've had one too many dirty martinis."

He takes her in for a moment.

Blair wears a strapless white dress with her chestnut curls falling over bare shoulders. Her lips are perfectly painted red to match her glassy bloodshot eyes and he briefly wonders how he's never found her this beautiful before.

Sure, he knew there was a very blurry sexual attraction there, but it was mostly out of fear- who is he kidding, it's still out of fear.

"Are you gonna let me in, or what?"

Dan looks down with a small smile and moves aside as she steps into the loft,

"And I take my martinis neat."

"Of course you do," he mumbles and leads her into the living room.

She goes on to explain in great detail how he almost destroyed her social life because of a Gossip Girl blast that showed him entering her building at an ungodly hour. For this reason, she couldn't be seen anywhere near him for at least two weeks, otherwise people would think she was slumming it with Brooklyn's finest.

All he can do is watch her talk. The way her brow creases when she counts the number of restaurants she had to avoid, her voice lowering when she says the word _Brooklyn-_ like it's some dirty secret, her imitation of Serena flirting with lacrosse players at the party earlier. There's so much animation within her that he only gets to see in flashes, when she's insulting his shoes or debating French impressionists.

"I get it," he finally says, mostly to get her to stop talking. Then, "Why did you come here?"

"I was bored at the party and remembered that you provide me with a sufficient amount of amusement."

Dan reaches forward to push a few strands of hair out of her face and her eyes narrow to watch his fingers,

"Why did you come _here_, Blair?"

"Stop being weird," she snaps and shoves him away lightly.

"Fine," he's sort of starting to enjoy flirting with Blair because instead of flirting back she'll narrow her eyes or scrunch up her nose and basically act like it's repulsive to her. _And yet, _there's always a smile forming at the left corner of her mouth and he's accepted the challenge that he will get at least one full smile out of her by the end of summer.

"I wanted to watch a movie, okay?"

"With me?"

"With you, as horrid as that is," she plops down on his couch and looks at him expectantly.

"Can I get you anything?" Dan asks as he fumbles through the fridge, "A beer? Glass of wine?"

"Red?"

"White."

"Ugh, fine."

They watch _The Big Sleep_ on his laptop. Blair comments incessantly, but if Dan says a word she shushes him immediately.

"Have you heard from her lately?"

"She called me once," he says quietly, "asking for her copy of _Catcher in the Rye_ back."

Blair snorts out a laugh but keeps her eyes on the screen,

"You borrowed a book from Serena?"

"She, uh- she asked me to write notes in the margins for her."

Blair realizes the romantic sentiment and falls silent before making a note to scoot away from him quickly.

"I think there's hope for your relationship yet," she says as an afterthought that she'd been holding in_. "_Apparently Nate is sleeping with Duchess Beaton and using Serena as a cover girlfriend so that no one finds out."

"How is this good for me?"

"Think of how much time she's spending with Nate!" Blair exclaims as if that's something Dan wants to think about at all, "They spend all of that time together, but at the end of the day she gets nothing. She's going to crave genuine affection, and of course, a lot sex."

"Right," he says and watches her move gracefully to the kitchen. His instinct is instantly to follow her, which annoys him. He doesn't want to spend the rest of his high school career following girls around like a lost puppy. As she leans up against the counter, he takes a few steps to stand in front of her.

For a moment, he feels in control. Her tiny frame just barely brushing against his body. When she looks into his eyes, there's a flash of something. Something that he won't be able to forget for days to come.

Maybe she's lonely because she misses Nate… and Chuck, but maybe there's something else.

An unspoken connection.

Or maybe they're both really drunk.

"Maybe we should…" her voice trails off softly, "Maybe you should demonstrate your competency in the bedroom."

He can tell she's trying desperately to keep her voice all business, but as her hips move against him slightly, he almost loses it. His finger lightly strokes a path from behind her ear, down her neck and shoulder.

Her hair smells like apples and vanilla.

"You're words, not mine," He mutters before crashing his lips into hers and stumbling them both to the bedroom.

They move messily, fidgeting with buckles and hooks until she's undressed in front of him and he struggles to find any air. Her skin is freckled from the sun and everything is just so exquisite that he doesn't want to touch her for fear of messing up her appearance.

_But god he wants to touch her._

"You're very-"

"Shut up," she cuts him off before catching his mouth with hers again.

His body is humming with anticipation but he wills himself to remember that he's being tested right now. His teeth graze against her ear and Blair lets out a soft gasp. His hands are shaky and unsure, but as her hips rise to meet his, he grins against her skin.

Dan clumsily searches for a condom which Blair rips open to slide onto his length carefully. As if he wasn't hard enough, the contact sends a shiver through his entire body.

She guides him inside of her and it's all so hurried and rough that he gets lost for a few minutes just listening to the noises that come out of her. He fits so perfectly inside of her and there's just something about Blair that is so completely untouched, he only wants more.

"This is nothing to write home about," she says between breaths and Dan groans irritably against her shoulder blade. He thrusts harder and faster, meanwhile trying to hold out until her climax.

He uses one hand to prop himself up while the other flies down to rub her clit.

Suddenly her moans become louder, more genuine, and he swallows them in a kiss.

His thumb circles rapidly before slowing down and applying more pressure.

"Dan," she says breathily, "Don't stop."

He stops moving his hand immediately and meets her eyes, "What?"

"What?" she says impatiently.

"You just said my name," her hips buck against his hand as she lets out a small breath.

"Dan?"

"You just said it again," his voice is deep as he begins moving his thumb at a painfully slow pace again.

"Dan," she pants out.

"Say it again," he commands against her ear and she lets out a low moan.

"Dan," in a gasp. She repeats it over and over like a mantra. He feels himself getting closer to the edge, his hand grabbing a fistful of her curls for stability. His name comes out louder in groans as her walls clench around him.

Dan's jaw tightens and he pants into her hair as he finishes right after her.

Immediately she begins yanking her clothes back on.

"That was one of my more regrettable decisions," she glances over her shoulder as she hooks her bra.

"You seemed to enjoy it."

"Stop staring at me like that."

Dan pulls his boxers on and laughs as he watches her get dressed. She takes so much care in the way she gets dressed, rather than haphazardly throwing clothes on like Serena.

"We should do this again," he says in his most formal voice, "for practice- for Serena."

"Nice try, Humphrey."

He gets this weird churning in his stomach as she walks to his front door. He doesn't want her to leave. He doesn't want to be by himself again. When she opens the door, she glances over her shoulder at him standing in his bedroom doorway.

_"I said, stop staring at me like that."_

"This feels like a booty call," he says with the slightest hint of disappointment.

"Maybe it was," his eyes close at her response before the door clicks behind her.

He leans his head against the door frame and tries to forget the sound of his name on her lips as she came.


	5. Chapter 5

**A/N: **_This fic still exists! Hard to believe, I know. It's been difficult to write, because the three characters I'm focusing on (DBS) are just kind of hopping around and avoiding each other awkwardly which I don't really know if that makes for an interesting dynamic or not, but oh well. If you hate it, you can tell me- I don't get offended that easily (plus sometimes it's good to get that stuff out). But this is all I can offer you for now! _

_*I'm also working on updates for my other fics, along with a new one based on "The Vow"- why do I do this to myself? Anyway, ENJOY!_

She doesn't talk to him after that night.

He assumes she's too ashamed to face him after their drunken mistake.

He doesn't understand how easily she can go without speaking to him. He wonders if he really means that little to her, that she can just shut him out without a second thought.

Serena throws a party to celebrate her mom's new marriage and somehow Dan makes the guest list. He supposes it's Serena's way of subtly letting him back into her world.

"What are you reading these days?" She asks in a tiny black dress. He keeps staring at her legs.

"Uh, Henry Miller- _Tropic of Cancer_."

Serena just nods and says, "Sounds depressing."

Dan has no idea what she means by that, but he guesses she has no idea what the book is even about so all he can say is, "I guess."

They're silent for a few minutes and he hates how awkward it has to be conversing with her now. There's always a silence that needs filling.

"What about you? Anything good?"

"_On the Road_," a small smile forms on her lips, "I finally started it."

He had given her the book hoping it would give them something to bond over, maybe she would finally see how much literature and writing means to him. She could enter his world for once, instead of the other way around.

He's smiling, probably even blushing as he says, "Wow. I'm glad you finally gave it a chance."

"Are you an idiot? Of course he's not coming!" Dan hears Blair's voice snap from across the room and sees her standing at the bar, accompanied by a very distraught Kati Farkas.

Serena mentions something about going to find Nate, so Dan takes it upon himself to deal with Blair.

"Will you excuse us?" He turns to Kati politely before focusing his attention on the seething brunette in front of him. Kati narrows her eyes at Dan, but scurries away when she sees Blair's glare.

"What's wrong, Blair?" He tries to keep his voice as casual as possible, although he's somewhat concerned.

"Buy me a drink and we'll talk."

"I'm not buying you a drink," he sighs, taking in her already tipsy state.

"Then we're not talking."

Blair turns her back to him and unsuccessfully tries to signal the bartender, who is busy pouring shots for a group of girls further down.

"Is it your mom? Is it Chuck?"

"I'm sorry," she whips around to face him, "Are we friends?"

Dan glances down and runs a hand through his hair, "Of course not."

She finally receives a gin martini and sips it, furrowing her brows at him pointedly. Her brown waves are pulled into a long side pony tail, her black lashes appearing thicker than usual.

"Listen, I'm just trying to help," he can hear the desperation in his own voice and he doesn't know why he cares so much, but he does. The way she looks now, indifferent and yet still sad, he can't understand it.

"I was supposed to go with him, okay?"

"What?"

"Chuck. He was supposed to take me to Tuscany with him and he left a day early when he decided he couldn't have a relationship with me. I've been trying to distract myself with you and Serena, but after we slept together I realized I've hit a new low."

Dan flinches at the sting of her words.

"Alright, I think you're exaggerating a little bit."

"Don't you get it, Humphrey? Chuck abandoned me and I made myself feel better by having sex with a classless Brooklyn plebeian."

Dan just stares at her in disbelief for a few moments, wondering how he ever thought they were even kind of friends. Blair knows how to cut with her words, more than anyone he's met. Maybe that's why getting close to her is so dangerous. Maybe it's why most choose _not _to get close to her.

"Yeah, you seemed really repulsed while it was happening."

Blair scrunches up her nose at him, her eyes narrowing to flicker over his mouth.

"It doesn't matter how good," she swallows, "or awful it was. It was a mistake. A horrible one at that."

He feels his chest tighten as he watches her pound her drink and slam it on the bar. This isn't Blair. At least not the one he knows. He was finally starting to see another side to her and now she's back to Ice Queen. In that moment he realizes he shouldn't care. Blair doesn't owe him anything and he doesn't owe her anything either. They aren't even friends.

He lets out a sigh and walks away from her, pushing through a crowd of girls to find Serena. There was a purpose behind him and Blair hanging out and he was ready to fulfill that purpose once in for all. He'd get Serena back without Blair's help and it would be that much more satisfying.

"Serena, hey," he grabs her arm somewhat assertively. She needs to know he means business.

"Dan! What's up?"

"I know we're still in a weird place and I'm fully at fault for that, but do you wanna just start over? Maybe grab lunch tomorrow?"

He sees relief washing over her features and realizes he must be giving the same expression. Truthfully, it's a relief to be around her again. She's light and sunny and makes him feel a little airless, in a good way. She would also never intentionally hurt him to make herself feel better. Ahem, _Blair. _

"I would love that actually."

Dan smiles and nods and realizes that he has no purpose at the party any more, so he gives her a chaste kiss good bye and pushes through crowds of people to leave.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx xxxxx

They go to lunch at one of Serena's favorite restaurants on the Upper East Side. He doesn't even bother trying to pronounce the name. Afterwards, she suggests they walk over to Central Park to see a pet adoption fair that's going on. It's not exactly his first choice for a date, but it makes sense for Serena.

"Oh my god, look at that one!" She points to an adorable golden retriever leaping up against its playpen. Next to it is a scruffy little terrier, nipping at the other puppy's paws and ears. He reaches down to pet it but it snaps at his hand.

"This one's fun," he says sarcastically, and the animal seems to sense his hostility because it begins yipping uncontrollably at him. Serena has the golden retriever cuddled up against her chest and is giggling affectionately when it licks her face.

_It all makes sense._

Dan moves to pick up the terrier and she wiggles out of his grasp, sprinting to the other side of the play pen.

_The dog is fucking Blair. _

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx xxxxxx

She comes over that night presumably drunk, barging through the door to the loft.

"You went out with Serena today?"

He can smell the gin on her breath as she approaches him.

"I did."

"What the hell, Humphrey? No moves until you confirm them with me!"

His eyes widen incredulously. Not only did she say humiliating things to him only the night before, but now she's treating him like a child who needs her permission to do anything in his life.

"Yeah," he sighs, rubbing his neck roughly, "Yeah, I think I'm gonna handle this mission alone."

His date with Serena had gone surprisingly well. They talked about things that they _both _liked talking about, and avoided the subjects that they were indifferent about. He even kissed her when they got back to her place. He was ready to turn over a new leaf with Serena, start the new school year without regrets about the last.

"What?" Blair's features cringe with disappointment, "Why?"

"It went really well today, and I think it'd be best if take it from here."

She seems to find amusement in his sudden coldness around her and takes it upon herself to step closer, gleaming up at him mischievously, "Oh, you think so?"

Her finger hooks at his waistband and he can feel himself hardening at the contact, and the thought of throwing her onto his bed and having his way with her again.

But Serena is still gnawing at the back of his mind.

"Fuck-" he breathes, pulling her hand out of his pants. "No, Blair. You should leave."

"But I'm lonely," she pouts, and he actually kind of hates her for it. She knows how to mess with his mind now.

He lets out a long sigh and closes his eyes, "I really don't care."

_If only he meant it. _


End file.
